I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I’ve been trying to lose weight since March 2011.  I suck at math, but I’m pretty sure that’s over a year.  A YEAR! In that year, I’ve lost 30 lbs.  Like I’ve said before, I do know that 30 lbs is nothing to sneeze at and I’m much healthier because of it.  I also know that if I told you I’ve tried everything in my power to get to goal in that time, I’d be lying.  I have 30 more lbs to lose.  (at least)  Take a look at my Weigh in’s page and tell me what you see?  A joke, right? When I look at those numbers I feel nothing but disappointment, mostly because I know I can freakin’ do this!  In January, I had 3 losses in a row.  Since then it’s been a roller coaster and I don’t even like roller coasters, so I want off!!

I have absolutely no one to blame but myself.  I’m ultimately the one that makes the decision to eat this, drink that or sit on my ass when I should be moving.  Dane will make comments saying that he’s a bad influence on me but the truth is, he’s really good about eating whatever I want when we’re at home and he cooks!! I do struggle with always making good choices when we eat out and even when you think you’re making a good choice, you don’t really know what’s in a dish at a restaurant.  When I hear people that I know are trying to lose weight talk about things they ate or bad decisions they made, I actually get mad inside.  I wonder why?  Why would you do that when you’re on this journey to a healthier life?  Who the heck am I to question someone else’s actions when I’m not even in control of my own?

This last week was good, not great but I think I did pretty good.  I’ve had good weeks before that have all of the sudden gone to crap.  Why?  Because I haven’t been committed and I haven’t made the sacrifices I know I need to make.  I don’t want it to take another year for me to lose this last 30 lbs.  My cruise is exactly 4 months from today.  If that’s not great motivation, I don’t know what is.

Both of my sister’s are going with me.  Since we’ve been adults, I’ve always been the “fat sister” in all of our pictures.  My youngest sister (who lost 70 lbs a few years ago) had a baby in June and looks really good.  Of course she is discouraged because she has 10(ish) lbs to lose, but trust me, she looks good.  My other sister is currently doing Weight Watchers along with me.  Most of my “before” pictures are from the last cruise that I went on.  I HATED every single one.  I didn’t post one picture from that trip on my Facebook.  (which is odd for me)  I knew I was overweight, I knew I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, but for some reason that’s not what I saw in the mirror every day.

I’ve actually been pleased with my scale peeks at home this last week.  I’ve been seeing under 170, which is a new low for me.  I’m hoping that will continue to my meeting on Wednesday.  I really do know what I need to do, it’s just a matter of applying myself and getting it done.

*rant over*

I’m going back and forth on with whether or not I should post pictures of my food on a daily basis.  I’m not sure if it’s beneficial to anyone, especially since during the week I eat a lot of the same things.  (i.e. yogurt/berries, banana, overnight oats, sugar free pudding, string cheese)  I can still make a note at the end of each post regarding the amount of points I ate that day.  I know there are at least a couple of you reading and I’d love to hear your input.  😉

Sorry to start the week off on such a somber note, I’m just a tad bit disappointed in myself.  Thanks for listening and I hope you have a great Monday!